WHEW!!!! deep breath

Alright alright alright. ALMOST THERE!!!!!!!!!!! Two more days of 3:45am, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it! Then finals. Then sleeeeeeeeeppp.

I shouldnt' have taken two thermogenics for the second dose, overload!

I found this great list of "50 things to give up today". I'm a quote person, so I think you shoudl read it.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/03/28/50-things-you-need-to-give-up-today/

As far as training goes... well, this week is gonna be sparse. I"m trying to get in at least 30 minutes/day of something, anything. I know you're probably thinking - if you want this so bad, you should be able to find time to workout. ..... I wish it were that easy!! Let's see: 3:45 - wakeup, 5am - 4:30pm - football, TA, football, class, 30-45 min workout, 6-9pm study, 9-10pm get ready for the next day, 10-3:45 - sleep. Yep. No complaining, just sayin.

I don't know if it's the caffeine or if I really am this excited about class being over. Don't get me wrong, I like what I'm learning and being in school but I just want to sleep! and eat. but really, just sleep haha.

Despite not being to really workout lately, I'm still seeing progress. Get it right, get it tight.

Most of all, I'm excited for the stress to be off. For the 5 ton elephant on each shoulder to be off my back. I'm ready to be ME again. I can handle stress, but I'm not good at the on/off switch. It's either all on or all off and right now it's all on, and that gets old. I'm a goofy, happy person.. although no one I've met in the past 6 months would tell you that haha (Lisa: mello dance!!!! hahahahah). So I'm ready for two weeks from now, to be myself. and laugh. and just relax. Never thought I'd say I want to relax, cause I'm a busybody. but that is all I'm going to do until I leave for Bluecoats. Which, by the way, I'm SO excited about. I want to see how the kids are progressing, I want to see the show, I want to hear the show, I want to eat from the truck, I want to eat custard from the village, I want to hang out with the staff, laugh with the staff, play volleyball with the staff, I want to be out there under the lights on a muggy summer night watching a run through and getting goosebumps. I want to hear the trumpet sectionals on the wind coming through my window while I take a nap. I want to hear the mello runs, over and over and over, seriously! I even kinda want the phantom met sound in my head haha. I'm ready for Justin's apple cider (hehe), bus rides (only if I have my own seat), random bars around the country, sleeping in press boxes, listening for that lingering power chord hanging in the Dome after a perfect release. I could go on and on. Oh and I'm ready to win a few gold medals :)

Ready to DO THIS!!!!

98 days

Progress... a little bit..

I havent' posted in awhile, guess I didn't have much to say. Basically last week I fell off the diet wagon. I just didn't want to cook or bother eating. Throughout the week I got in one workout per day, not good! Something is better than nothing though right?! I ran out of my meals Thursday and didn't want to cook anything, I was just so exhausted. Friday, Saturday and th emajority of Sunday I just kinda ate whatever. It wasn't bad but wasn't the prescribed plan either. Oh... and that Reese's egg on Sunday. Oh well. On Sunday I cooked for about 3 hours and used the new vacuum sealer that I bought at Wally World. That thing could be pretty awesome, we'll see how this week goes. I talked to a friend of mine and she might be willing to cook all my meals for me, yesssssssssssss.

As far as my progress, I don't feel like I made any but Mike seemed happy with my pictures that I sent him this weekend.

THe next two weeks are going to be really rough. Finals are coming up next week and we have football all this week. I'm just gonna forge ahead and try to make it through! When I finish finals on May 5th, then it's GAME ON!!

99 days!! in the double digits

Pulled butt muscle, haha

Don't have too much to say. Just in the grind, trying to get through the end of school. Every day is a count down.

ON Monday I did incline walking/lunges/running, and I think I pulled something. The next morning I was picking up balls off the turf and it started to hurt. Throughout the day it got better and today it was fine... until I started doing lunges. I did about 4 then I had to stop. I still ran for 1.5 miles and it actually was ok while I ran.... now after the run is a different story. Now it really hurts!

My new diet has a large volume of food, which is nice because I feel like a normal person again! Although, now I can't eat all my food for the day haha. Funny how that works.

Alright, legs are like lead. Butt hurts. Exhausted. Protein Shake. Bed.

104 days

I've been slacking!

Alright, I totally slacked on the blog posts last week. Sometimes I just don't even use my computer throughout the week and do what I need to do on my phone.

Last week was kinda rough, I was just exhausted I guess. Every day I came home and pretty much went straight to bed. I got in this routine of sleeping from 5-7 or 7-9 and then waking up, doing some work and going back to bed around 11 to wake up for football at 3:45am. It worked out because I have times throughout the day that I get super tired and then times when I'm wide awake. 3pm is when I usually crash in class and it's a struggle to get through.... good thing the other interns are falling asleep in there too haha. If I can make it through 5pm awake then I'm good. From 9-11pm I'm wide awak no matter what but if I stay up past 11 then I might as well stay up all night. Why am I telling you this? haha. Oh well.

So back to talking about working out - I think the low carbs were really hitting me... and being back at football lifts @ 5am. I didn't get all my workouts in during the week so I decided that Friday and Saturday I would make up for them... not my best plan ever!!

Friday I worked out chest/leg shaping aka plyos, then ran around Town Lake for an hour (which was fun bc it's Austin), then I headed over to Gold's and worked out Arms theeeenn did #8 which involves sprinting on an incline and pop squats haha. Needless to say, I got home and did nothing and fell asleep at 8:30pm hahaah.

Saturday I did legs (again... ouch) which included 150 "ass-to-ankle" squats, 150 leg press, etc... then followed that up with #18... stairmill sprints!! I thought I was either going to fly off of the thing or die... either one would have hurt less than the actual workout haha. For part of it you have to do 30 seconds at level 20... sweat was flying everywhere, I couldn't hold on to anything because it was so slippery, my legs were like lead bricks.. I was trying to watch the stairs, which were moving so fast that I couldn't see them quick enough.. and then at the end of the 30 seconds I was trying to move the level back down. It was silly. I was tripping and slipping and probably making all sorts of sounds haha. Luckily Julie (another Mike Davies girl) came along beside me as I was finishing and I saw her rockin bod and boulder butt and it encouraged me to know that I'll look like that in the end!

Sunday I took a battered body rest day

I posted a pic from Saturday mornings progress photos. Mike said things are looking good, which is definitely encouraging! I was feeling pretty down last week that I didn't get my workouts in like I was supposed to. Even if I get everything in the end, I still dont' feel good about it unless it's like it's supposed to be you know? I had a loooong talk with Coach on Friday about all of my training and wanting to get sponsorships. He told it to me straight and helped me out with some ideas on how to get my workouts in without actually having to find a full one hour block. That was very helpful and makes me feel a lot better about getting everything done. It's so nice to have support and encouragement from the important people around me.... from sharing "I dont' wanna workout" feelings to only giving me the lime from the margarita haha to sharing recipes and even just the weekly "how's "it" going?"

Thank you so much to everybody. You don't know how much I appreciate it!!

Over and out.

106 days

Diet #2

I have so much to say about this past week but I don't feel like writing about it right now, I'm ready to go get some cardio done!

In the meantime, I got my new diet. It looks fun!!! I get colored veggies, banana pepper rings, lots of fish, grapefruit, even pickles!!! That's awesome because when I'm on contest prep it makes me crave vinegar and salt for some reason.

Here's the breakdown:

1,700 cals

F 40g

C 90g

P 240g

Progress Photo

108 days!

Miserable

As I drove to campus at 4:35am, all I could think about was how miserable I was. I was thinking about what I would write in this post and here's what it would have said: "I'm miserably tired, miserably hungry, miserably exhausted, miserably over this, miserably over school." Yesterday I didn't sit down for 10 hours straight, yes, 10 hours. The worst thing is that it's the regular routine, blegh. So I worked for 10 hours, managed to throw back some food that I had hidden in the pocket of my hoodie, then ran to class late and really all I remember is about the first 2 slides and then the rest of the class I fell asleep about 3 or 4 times and tried to not be completely rude. Then I went and trained my ladies, who always cheer me up! I headed home in the wonderful Austin traffic. I got home at 7pm (14 hour day at that point) and still had to read for biomechanics, read for conditioning, start my biom outline, work on my lab due tomorrow, clean up the wreck of clothes in my room, oh yeah and sleep? If I had gone to bed the moment I got home, I would have gotten 8.5 hours of sleep, all I can do is laugh at that. Needless to say, I didn't work out yesterday. Honestly I don't know that I will get to workout this WEEK!

So those were the thoughts in my head this morning. Now I still feel miserably tired, miserably exhausted, miserably out of it and miserably stressed but I feel a lot better about it. Less bitter, more put on a happy face and deal with what you got yourself into and be glad that I have the ability and opportunity to all of this. How can I be bitter when I got into grad school on the first try?! How can I be bitter about getting the chance of a lifetime to intern with Football? Surely I can't be bitter about my TA position that pays me a salary, paid for school, and gave me insurance! That's absolutely ridiculous! and hello, who said I have to compete and be hungry and weak? no one, but me, myself and I.

On that note, it's a FANTASTIC day and I am SO grateful to have the life I have... the life that I worked so hard to get and now have, with wonderful, beautiful people in it!!

Vision Board

I don't really do things for other people to see them, I do it for myself i.e. vision boards. I feel like I'm a super motivated person but I still need all the help I can get! I've set up a lot of things within my personal space to help me through the process. No one else besides myself has ever been in my room or bathroom at my house and this weekend someone came over and I realized they're probably going to think I'm a nutcase haha. We went upstairs and I was like ummm let me show you something before you see it and think I'm crazy. So I showed them my countdown calendar in my room and the craziness that is my bathroom mirror... quotes, countdown, pictures, the whole deal. It was the first time anyone has seen any of my motivational stuff (except M of course) but it was kind of good to get it off my chest. On Sunday I made a vision/training book that includes all of my training materials (they were getting kind of torn up) and pictures of what I want to look like, a pic of the gold medal and some quotes, like M and I's fav #speakitintoexistence . When I did my cardio I propped the pic of the gold medal up on the cardio machine and it definitely helped!! Speaking of that cardio session, I literally don't think I've ever sweated that much in my life. I'm at the point where I'm pretty much just in fat-burning mode and my body temp is super high. I sweat just walking up the stairs in my house haha. It was a 40 minute session, all at an incline of lateral shuffles, running, back pedaling and walking at 15%. I was not dripping sweat, it was literally streaming off of me buuut I like being sweaty so I was having fun!

Excited for a good week!

113 days

Submission

http://youtu.be/-qR0Uke2XNI

Theme of the day: I will not submit.

This morning I heard a great talk about submission. Don't submit. Be the one to stand up for what needs to be done. Don't follow the masses if that's not the way you're going. Just because everyone else is going out for drinks and staying out until 3am, if you have a training session at 9am, make the wise choice for you. I attached a video from 300 that displays this idea perfectly. I couldn't embed it but take 56 seconds and check it out.

112 days

FANTASTIC day!!

Today has been a really great day! To start, I got 5.5 hours of sleep.. about 2 hours more than usual. I was already laughing at 4:45am walking into football, which is always nice. After practice I went and taught a class how to run the 40 yard dash and about running mechanics... and it was interesting to say the least haha. Luckily two football players were in the class and helped me out. Then I headed back to the weight room and got a good arm workout in, followed by hill drills!! One of the other interns ran with me, which REALLY helped out.

Then, I tested my body fat..... dun dun duuuuunn. 16.4%!!! Right on track! Down another 1% :)

After finishing up in the weight room, I went and watched the Texas Relays for the rest of the afternoon. I hate to admit it but I really know nothing about track. I went with one of the other coaches and after asking him a few questions about things, he was like, you really weren't kidding, you know nothing about track. haha. I didn't wear sunscreen and I'm super sunburned, oops.

I feel like I had more to say but I guess not... happy day!

115 days

Cross-Eyed

I'm not gonna lie... I am so exhausted that sometimes I catch myself going cross-eyed haha. One of the other interns said that to me one day - "After class, I went home and studied until I went cross-eyed." The sad thing is that it's so true. I want to post something super happy and optimistic but really all I want is my bed.... and about a week to sleep haha. Before you get into this post, I'm going to go ahead and apologize for the run-on sentences and lack of grammar... I don't really care to think about it right now. Lately I don't know what's coming out of my mouth. Yesterday morning I said I was going to eat some spinach and meant that I was going TA class.... wtf?! Today I drove halfway to campus then realized I meant to go to the grocery store a block away....

This diet is really catching up to me... I'm past the point of starving and I'm just weak and tired, which is just annoying. I can deal with being starving but when you can't pick up and move simple things, it gets on your nerves. The first week and half I was super optimistic and doing great at keeping my attitude positive. Now I feel like a cranky old woman on the inside and I'm trying 110% to be positive on the outside. Only a little more than a week left on this stage of the diet and I am hoping and praying that Mike will cycle it with a high carb diet!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

The changes are coming though. I can see some definition and I feel harder, but then again I feel like I'm pretty fluffy and have to remind myself that it's because I'm so carb depleted and that when I carb up then I will look so much better. Although I've seen some progress, I know that I'm not seeing enough. Primarily because I haven't been able to do all the workouts I'm supposed to do (5 lifts, 10 cardio). My lats, arms, delts need to be built up and my lower body just needs to cut cut cut cut.. it's a lot of work that I'm afraid won't happen in time. I'm trying my hardest not to be overcome by all these emotions, thoughts, feelings, hunger, pain, weariness that I feel, but sometimes you can't help but just buckle.

Something I do to keep myself motivated is by creating a vision board and by having my influences in places that I will see them often. I feel like I'm angry at all of them right now though... like I'm jealous at these pictures. That's lame. It feels hopeless this far out. It feels hopeless with waking up at 3:45am, football all morning and class all day. My lat spread feels hopeless, my delts seems hopeless, my glute-ham tie-in seems hopeless. I trust that my trainer is going to get me there but I'm so scared that I wont' work hard enough. When I see these pics or see such quick progress in one of my competitors, it makes me feel like I"ll never get there, that the road is just too long.

Yet, we press on. The marbles in my head might be loose from carb-depletion but I'm not going to give in to hunger, I'm not going to give in to myself, that's just not acceptable. I set a goal, and I know I can be that person.

Something else that I was thinking about is the whole going Pro thing. When you go Pro then your job is compete. You make money when you compete and win. I've never ever wanted to win my Pro card for any other reason than a personal goal. Lately I feel like I have to win my Pro card just to prove something to all these people around me that think I just workout too much and eat a weird diet for no reason. How come a track athlete that runs as a pro for living and is sponsored and makes money by running, isn't ridiculed? No, they are praised and held up on a pedestal. Why then, if I were to win my Pro card, get a sponsorship and win money by competing.... why is that nothing? I don't understand. I get that you don't see the "athletic" side on the stage, but seriously, how do you think we got there? SMH. Pisses me off.

Alright!! Protein pancake time yesssssssssssss

116 days

All-nighters

Just a quick post. Yesterday I managed to get in my second cardio session, which felt good to finally do. Granted, I was reading for my Adv. Ex. Phys. class, but hey, sometimes you have to multitask.

Today, I got in a super quick back workout but no cardio for today. I'm about to start studying for my exam tomorrow, but have football at 5am sooo... it's lookin like an all-nighter.

119 days

Picture time!

Multi-tasking at its best!! Turkey, protein pancakes, chicken... the donuts (and cookies and brownies) are my roommates!

Protein city over here

It can get messy

Cardio that I did today after chest:

Bags o Protein:

NPC Lackland with my Mom. My first contest!

I kinda lived at the gym....

Putting my tan on the morning of the show

Feelin good

Had a great chest workout today. That's something that I really need to bring up.. my back and chest need a lot of work.. because they're non existent!

Cardio was fun! I think it's #15 of my cardio workouts, it involves a lot of incline walking and running, shuffles, running backwards and sweat.

We switched my breakfast to post-workout to hopefully help with recovery.

I need some new Pandora stations to listen to... suggestions? Usually I listen to Kid Cudi, Yin Yang, Nicki Minaj, Salt Shaker, Rap/Hip-Hop, 50 Cent... so I want something along those lines just not those haha.

120 days

and Hi Mom!

------------------

Wow. I'm sitting here looking at the costs for everything for this show, yikes. I have to start looking for sponsors NOW! This is crazy!

Flight - $400

Hotel for 4 days - $600

Suit - $400

Hair, Tan, Nails - $300

Rental Car - $200

NPC Card - $100

Entry Fees - $150

Trainer - $600

Time for a lift and cardio to work that stress out!!!

My trainer said that I look better for sure :) Yay! Progress!!!

Recovery

Whew, got that off my chest. Now, I need to post something that is not so intense!

Had a weigh-in today. 172.0 lbs down to 169.7 lbs. yessss.. now 20 more to go!

This week has been the first week on diet and training. My diet went well and actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I wasn't painfully hungry but I could tell that I was depleted when it came to training. I've been implementing a thermogenic with meal 2 (which I find my body to like a lot better than meal 1), followed by b-complex and b-12. All of which really help with feeling better.

Tangent.......As I mentioned before, M and I are trying something different. We're not trying to be champions, WE ARE CHAMPIONS. We are what we want to be. I've been trying to use this new approach towards everything pertaining to contest. I know I'm goign to be hungry and I'm going to hurt, and this time around I'm working on accepting that it's going to feel that way. I understand it's going to feel that way to get my goal then I can push it aside and move on. There's no reason to think about the hunger and think about the pain every moment of the day.. that's just going to lead to a lot of grumpiness and everyone hating you and you hating the process, so I am not going to do that. No thank you. I'd rather this be a happy process.

Back to the point of the post - I felt like I wasn't recovering well from my workouts and that it was having an additive effect. I was tired, as is usual with cutting, but mentally I felt great. My legs were starting to cramp really bad and when I walked up stairs it felt like I was about to tear a hamstring.. and that was only with one lift and one cardio a day. For some reason, in the past few months my calves start to cramp up/tighten up very quickly after just a few cardio sessions and seem to continuously get worse. I knew that if I wanted to stay on track then I had to find something to help recovery, that wasn't carb re-loading after workout. Ding ding, duh. BCAA's. So I pulled my Scivation Xtend back out and started filling up on that. It's BCAA's, glutamine, and citrulline malate. I feel soooo much better. Also, my sleep has to get better. With school and football there really isnt' time for sleep, so that whole recovery thing doesn't get a chance to happen naturally. Meh. Only 5 more weeks left of school anyways. I just have to fight through this and do what I can do then try to make up for it over the next 11 weeks until contest.

My mom and her new husband decided to make the trip out to the show! At least this time she won't have to help me with my tan, hahaha, I don't think she liked tanning my butt and gluing my suit last time.

121 days

This is who we are, this is what we do.

I'm a little behind on the blogs already! I actually didn't post yesterday on purpose because I was thinking a lot about some things. My second cardio session was nice and therapeutic! During my lifts, and especially cardio, is when I get a lot of thinking done. In retrospect, I'm glad that I waited because I heard a quote today that pointed me in the right direction of how to organize my thoughts from yesterday.

"This is who we are, this is what we do."

This is who I am, this is what I do. I feel like, especially when it comes to this, people have very strong opinions. They have opinions about what I'm doing, that they have made up in their minds and have talked themselves into being true. They force these opinions that they have made up about me, on me. I am a grown woman, and I'm not perfect in any way, but seriously, I think I handle this. I've got this figured out people. Clearly, contest prep takes time but I do realize what my priorities are: school first, football second then contest prep. But I'm not just dieting, and training for the fun of it.. there is a purpose. Whether YOU see it as pointless or worthwhile or purposeful, I do not care. You can eat cheesecake, I"ll eat my tilapia and spinach and guess what.... it doesn't take me that long to prepare. Let's go over this really quick because people have really strong opinions on this and tell me that it's taking me too long and taking up too much of my time. So I'm going to break it down for you:

Sunday -

2pm - grab my grocery list that already has my list of foods and amounts for the week, plain and simple. i.e. 5.5 lbs chicken, 7 dozen eggs, etc...

2:10pm - arrive at grocery, zoom through... I have the layout memorized

2:45pm - checked out and home, $50-60/week

2:45pm - 4:30pm - cook like a maniac, chickens in the oven, eggs boiling, turkey in a pan, finish cooking, weight everything out, put into individual containers, wash dishes, DONE! My food for the week is completely prepared.

M - S - wake-up, xx:00 -xx :10 turn on the coffee pot that was prepared the night before, oatmeal in a tupperware, water, microwave, while coffee and oatmeal cook, grab my food for the day, that's already in individual servings, and put in the cooler. Pour coffee in mug, protein in with oatmeal, top on and I'm done. Let me reiterate: I am done with my food for the entire day. No running around anywhere, no spending money, no choices, and it usually takes <5 min to eat each meal.

So bam, slam, take that. Don't ever bring it up again. and please, just accept that my goals and ambitions are different than yours. I want to be 8% body fat and win my Pro card and make money, you want to eat cheetos and cheesecake and spend your hour that I'm working out, watching the newest episode of American Idol. Realize that we are different and the way you spend your time is different than the way I spend my time. My working out and dieting, etc is who I am, it's what I do. I hope nobody is offended by what I've said but it makes me feel bad every time someone brings this up and thinks that I haven't thought things through... that I haven't taken a close look at my load... that I have really weighed the stress and time... that I haven't done everything possible to make this as streamlined as possible... and most of all, for you to think that I don't have my priorities straight.

121 days